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Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Genre#4....Timeline
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About Me
- That Singer Gurl
- Hey everybody sooo basically singing, playing the piano,and dancing is my life as well as my friends. I love to hang at the mall go to the movies, compete in competitions and doing really random things is very exciting too. Well thats all for now write me sometime to find out more.
3 comments:
That was a very interesting choice, I really enjoyed it. I liked how you kept it simple and divided up your accomplishments and achievments by your ages. And you showed the continual progression of your natural talents. This teaches people a lot about you and I really find it astonishing. Maybe, you could get a bit more in depth and explain more. Maybe how you felt about starting new activities..besides that, It looks greatttt!
<3 Lucy Carlyle!
I like the poem that you start with. It sets the tone and establishes the point of your essay.
The narrative section is not really a narrative. It doesn’t tell a story; it explains. And since it is more of an expository piece, it repeats much of what you already said in the intro. I would combine some of the info from this piece and add it into your intro and then do a true narrative section. Tell the story of a specific moment or experience that you had while writing songs, performing, or some other related topic. Remember to show not tell.
For your revision, I need you to fill out your story. Right now, you’ve told me that you like music and that it is really important to you, but there is no story here yet and no clear beginning, middle and end to that story. Each genre part should be like the next chapter in a book, each telling part of the story and forwarding it along.
I can’t wait to hear your song!
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